When I grow up.

I’m 30. I went to college right out of high school and got my associates degree exactly 2 years later. That was the easy part. I took all the general classes, applied myself about 50-60% and passed. [I did apply myself to partyin’, my crazy boyfriend and my even wilder friends 100%, though] I struggled with what I wanted “to do when I grew up”. It made it especially hard that my bestie/roommate never faltered from her major. She knew exactly what she wanted to do. And she is doing it to this day. I wavered from nursing to teacher to counselor to “screw college”.

And that’s kind of what happened. My junior year rolled around and I was in school for maybe 2 months. I had no steam, no drive, no desire. I quit school. And I don’t quit many things.

For the next 7 years I still didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. I was still drawn to people. I still wanted help others. I still knew that whatever I picked I would work a lot and get paid a little. I’ve known that all my adult life.

Then I had Harper.girl.

The pregnant/birth/feeding/raising a baby thing changed my life. I cried a lot. Was exhausted. Hated breastfeeding at first. But with all of those hard moments, came the most accomplished, proud and triumphant moments of my life. I actually had times after a good feeding I would high-5 Harper. When I got all of her fingernails and toenails clipped, bathed her and got her perfectly clean, I would say “Boooo Yaaaaaa! In yo’ face!!!!” Who was I talking to? I have no idea.  Or when I fit into my pre pregnant pants and did a jig. Then saw the flabby skin that still existed shake and immediately took them back off.

Through those times a new dream was born. I wanted to help new mommas. At first I just wanted to help them learn to breastfeed. Then it continued to develop into wanting to help them through their pregnancy, birth and postpartum period. When I told John of this new idea, he stopped whatever it was he was doing and slowly looked at me and with the most sincere look on his face, simply said “Yeah. Em, you would be fantastic at that.”

I asked 4 other women to be in the room at Phin’s birth. And my birth experience was completely enriched by it.

I started researching ways to become a doula. A doula gets it all. Prenatal, labor and delivery and post partum. Perfect. Other than John I kept it to myself.


Then I was asked to be at my friend’s birth of her daughter, Olive. 

And I guess you could say the floodgates opened. Because I knew the minute I saw Olive break from her momma’s body, it’s what I was born to do. I was so overwhelmed and so excited I wanted to tell everyone about my new calling. And I kinda did. I told the guys at work who had to hold their lunches down and told me that was baaa.scusting. I told my family who were all very very excited for me. I told my friends who were incredibly encouraging and many of them said, “I would totally want you at my birth!” I researched all by myself [and that’s not really my style] which organization I wanted to get certified through, took all the steps myself and a month ago I became a trained doula.

And in this last month, after dozens of emails and meetings, I can proudly say I am a volunteer for Opertation Special Delivery, on the volunteer doula list for The Colorado Springs Pregnancy Center, a local midwife’s assistant, and in an internship with an amazing doula here in town.

I have a lot going on right now. And I am thrilled. It’s 3 year dream coming true and I finally, after all these years have decided what I wanna be when I grow up.

I will educate, comfort and help these women trust in themselves and their bodies. I believe it’s incredibly important for women to assist, encourage and be with other women during this time. It’s been this way since the beginning of humankind. Bringing a life into this world is such a momentous time and I hope to help make it an experience in which the momma will walk away feeling proud of herself and capable for the new incredible journey ahead of her.

I get to see a new life come into this world. I get to witness a beautiful miracle. And I get to love on a newborn.

This will be my job. Lucky, blessed me.